about the song...

this song by BRAD PASELY is JAMES SONG TO ME!!! (so i tell him after twisting his arm behind his back....j/k) anyway, it is sooooo cute because alex will sing it with me!!! i will sing "to the world..." and alex will chime in with "you might be just another girl..." sooooooo cute!!! and matthew, as soon as he hears this song he turns around and starts to DANCE AND LAUGH!!!

gotta love it!

we are on the KIDDIE ROLLERCOASTER...

YEP, matthew is starting up AGAIN!! this weekend was REALLY NICE because on SATURDAY he was finally off of his oxygen! he was doing GREAT! still congested but holding his o2 sats awesome....then last night when he was sleeping, he started to make some breathing noises....this morning i just checked again his o2 sats and they are at 90 AGAIN!!! grrrrrr.....i THINK what happen was that we were on the water in the boat sunday and monday for a couple of hours and MAYBE the allergies in the air got him?! i don't know but i will start the treatments up again and see if it helps him out!!! but he LOOKS good!!! hopefully it will clear up by today!!!

well, we had a GREAT WEEKEND! we had a garage sale on fri and sat and then we just hung out the rest of the weekend! james had hoff on friday and monday so that was nice. we went fishing both sunday and monday so that was REALLY NICE! matthew and i hung out together on the boat while the other "men" fished! alex is a NATURAL! he is also going to be a baseball star cause he sure can hit that ball!!!! we are sooo excited! we are trying to spend tons of time together as a family because james is due to leave for his 2 weeks training VERY SOON....it is always a hard time for us here ESPECIALLY for the boys and alex in particular. he now KNOWS daddy is gone and asks for him tons! and james is going to go to AIR ASAULT SCHOOL the 2nd weeknd in JUNE!!! YIPPPPEEEEE!! he is excited! he thinks they will end up calling POPS or something cause he will probably be the oldest one THERE!! but my NEW SSG will do WONDERFUL i just know it!

i updated matthews website with pictures from his birthday party and some of us family portraits! soo check them OUT!!!

well....i took the plunge....

and i SOLD ALL MY MATERNITY CLOTHES and BABY CLOTHES at a yard sell yesterday...that was a MAJOR step for me because i still had some hope and dreams to have another baby....but i took the step and sold them....i didn't know HOW hard that would be to see my stuff go but i finally decided it was BEST to just let it go. we, ok I had been going around and around wanting another child...i would DEARLY love another baby but james and i have talked and we think that there will be no more babies for us UNLESS by some chance it happens, we are not PLANNING to have another. that was such a HARD decision ON MY PART to let go of thoughts of another baby....i soooooo wanted to TRY to have a NORMAL labor and delivery and also the possibiliy of a GIRL....with alex, my first born, i went thru over 32 hours of labor and didn't progress and then had to have an emergency c-section because alex heart rate was dropping! and then, with matthew, well, we had a GREAT pg and a SCHEDULED c-section and then ended up having to rush him to the hospital due to his HEART DEFECT and have immediate open heart surgery, etc etc....i didn't get to do anything NORMAL with matthew such as bf or hold him right away or ANYTHING...i so wanted that chance again but i feel that it might be dangerous to try again....before alex, i had two miscarriages, and i wonder, were THEY due to a heart defect too and my body just had to let them go? so if i try again, would i have anther heart baby?!?!? and then to have THREE c-sections, would that be too much for my body and my uterus? so many doubts and questions....so, as always, we will leave it to GOD and if HE wishes for us to have another child, it will happen no matter WHAT we think, right? and we would sooooooo LOVE this new child (if it happens) because even thought james talks about not wanting one, i will sometimes bring up something like IF we have another one, we would use this and james will reply NO WAY, OUR BABY WOULD HAVE THIS, or whatever...so i know he would love one but is nervous about it!!!

but, the clothes are gone and i am ok with it.....

still SOOOO SICK!!! :(

awwww...we went to the drs AGAIN for our little man matthew......we went on monday and today we went for his "well" baby but unfortunatly, he is FAR from well....well, he lost 1 lb since MONDAY!! poor little guy! on monday, there was NO wheezing just nasal type of drip so no new meds only over the counter TRIMINIC....today.....TONS OF WHEEZING, junky lungs...dr was so mad at himself because he felt maybe if he had started him on steroids on monday, it wouldn't have gotten so bad!!! so now, we are on oral steroids for 4 days, increased steroid inhalers from 2 puffs 2 times a day to 3 puffs 3 times a day!!! and then we are also on albuterol nebulizer treatments 4 times a day!!as it is, he HATES those treatments!!! and then we have to give him CPT treatments on top of all that!! poor kid! he is still not feeling well AT ALL!!


on another note......MY HUSBAND JAMES IS NOW BEEN PROMOTED TO STAFF SGT!!!! SO he is now a E6!! we are sooooo proud of him! we actually were able to make it to his velcroing cerimony!!!! :) i got to "velcro" him!! such an honor!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MATTHEW ISAIAH!!

MY beautiful miracle boy is now officailly TWO YEARS OLD!!!!!! wow, THANK YOU GOD for these last 2 years!! i just PRAY that we have MANY MORE to add on!!!

of course, my son HAD to get sick on his bithday!! yep, he had to do something different...something MATTHEW!! poor baby was up at midnight of his birthday until 4 am coughing, wretching, gagging, etc! finally, i think he got exhausted and had to sleep!! but he was up at 7:30 am with a seranaed from, me, dad and brother of happy birthday!!

we had his birthday party too and it turned out GREAT, THANK YOU GOD! it was sooooo nice to see sooooo many people there! we had OVER 80 PEOPLE THERE and over 40 KIDDOS!! matthew was there with his little oxygen and just dripping with water cause mom was trying to keep him cool! but he rode the pony, petted the animals, and rode the hayride and then he hit the pinata and blew out his candles (with some help!)...VERY NICE! i think he enjoyed it but i know he wasn't all up there!! poor baby!

brother was also not feeling well. they both caught something, probably a cold! man...i just hope it clears up with out the need for any more oral steroids...i worry about those...

well, i will be posting one of my emails sooon on his birthday...i am still working on it!

got lots of pics now i just need to develop them! this year, we had disposable cameras that we set out on the tables for people to take pics of!! i am sure it came out GREAT!!

wow....

a pedicure!! what a WONDERFUL thing to have!! i had my FIRST ONE today at our monthly GIRLS NIGHT OUT!! now, i want one ALLLLL THE TIME!! we had a GREAT TIME and there was a total of 7 OF US MOMMIES that went and we had a BLAST!!! it was a little turned around at the begining but after all was said and done, WOW!!! then we went over to the olive garden and had a dinner!! sooooooo much fun! we laughed and just talked! A GREAT TIME!! i look forward to these outings. we use to have them ONLY when it was somebodies birthday month but now, we started it EVER month!!! we will be doing tons of stuff....next month, we are planning to go to ALAMO DRAFT HOUSE to watch a movie and maybe eat some food there!!! again, FUN!!! i am not sure if i will be able to go but i am going to TRY!!! i have to ask my MIL to watch the boys because james will be out of town for 2 weeks!!!

anyway, still running around like crazy getting things done for the party! TWO MORE DAYS!!! unbelievable!!! :) getting excited!!

on another note.......we went to see the STEAM LOCOMOTIVE on displayed near BAMC and you know who (alex) was beside himself and soooooooooooo excited to be there!!! what fun! he had such a blast and wants to go back!!! matthew was out but that was ok! it was fun for mr alex!!!

on another note....

had to get another entry for this...james MIGHT not be going to Annual training in june this year (his two weeks away) because of what the president said yesterday about activating the guard to patrol the borders!!!! hmmmm.....i am not too sure i like this! it is actually making me NERVOUS but more of a selfish reason. we are SCHEDULED to go to missouri june 19- 25 and i was SOOOO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!! just a time to TRAVEL...yeah, i know it would be crazy with 2 kids, and 2 grandparents (greatgrandpa is turning 100!!) and then james and i but i KNOW we would have a GREAT TIME!! sooooo, i just PRAY we will be able to go after all!!!

i dont' know what will happen if they activate james and where he will be and how long......BUT BUT BUT, I WILL TAKE THIS KIND OF ACTIVATION ANYDAY rather than going overseas!!!!! you know?!?!?!

crazy days!

wow, it has been a while since i was able to sit down and write something....we have been going kinda CRAZY with preperations for MATTHEWS BIRTHDAY PARTY!! i still am in AWE that we here again!! i LOVE IT! anyway, we have bought all the stuff needed ON MOTHERS DAY, yes, no rest for the weary!! so i am soooo happy! all we need is the bread and cake and we are DONE! YYYYIPPPPPEEEE!! although i am EXCITED for this, i KNOW that the day will get here and GO and it will be sooooo fast, that i will not even know WHAT happened at the party! but it is soooooo worth it!! right now, we have 60+ people that have RSVP!!! :) my little man! last year, we had over 140 people come to his party!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!!! this year, i TRIED to only invite those that had young kids. i just HOPE that those that didn't get invited THIS year will understand....we shall see!! i just PRAY that all will go well this time around. we are going to do all the food preps the night before and that day in the am.....so we STILL will be running around but i just hope it will be CONTROLLED running around! :)

MUCH BETTER!!!

man, what 1ml difference makes!!! the first couple of days he was taking 2ml 2 times a day and it was making him REALLY IRRATIBLE AND DROWSY and now, he is only taking 1ml 2 times a day and he BACK TO NORMAL!!! wooopppeee!! we had a GREAT DAY and he was doing JUST FINE! I WAS SOOOO HAPPY! matthew was not AS drowsy as before...yeah!!

we went to a relatives birthday party....it was REALLY NICE except for one thing....her daddy DID NOT SHOW UP!!! i was sooooooo upset about that!! i am kinda hesitant writing this here but HEY, that is what a blog is for right?!?! anyway, if he reads he, it's not like he doesn't know, right? anyway, for our relative....i am so sad for her....she is the one that feels it the most. the middle child! she was looking forward to her birthday party with all her friends and her daddy too....and he didn't show up!!!! and HE LIVES IN THE SAME COMPLEX AS HER!!! SAD...i am just sad that she had her party ruined because of someone like that....makes me MAD MAD MAD!!!!!!!!!! you could TELL she was NOT happy.....

friday...

my poor baby....this little one is sooooo drugged up right now! it makes me sad to see him sooo sleepy and IRRATIBLE!! i mean, this little one is usually happy ALL THE TIME and to hear him CRY AND CRY and just be sad it is sooo hard! he is just not happy. well, we got a call from the neurologist to see how he was doing and after telling the nurse what was going on, she called me back and had me lower the dose of his new meds! he was soooo floopy! hopefully, this will get him to perk up a bit!

on a GREAT NOTE, yesterday night, matthew sat up BY HIMSELF in the tub! i don't know if it is fluke or not but i am sooooe xcited! he looked soooo cute!

alex is such a GREAT big brother. he know that there is something up with brother because he is really close to him and kissing him and asking me what is wrong and if he is ok....such a WONDERFUL big brother!

ok...we had a little drama...

i guess we have to be careful on what i am thinking!! i was thinking, i don't WANT matthew to go to WHMC but to methodist! and darn it, we DID make it there! NOT in the way i would have wanted to be there! he really gave me a scare./...at one point, i thought iwas going to LOSE HIM!!! i HATE HATE HATE his siezures!! it makes me feel soooooooo helpless. i think, overall, right now, that is what scares me the most. when he is sick and on oxygen, i can deal with that, but these...it is soooooo scary! soooo, let me just give you an idea of what happened...

i have to tell you the story because it is very INTERESTING how things led up to the events. wed, we went shopping for matthew party. when we were at the walmart, THREE items FELL OFF THE SHELVES RIGHT NEXT TO US....no kidding. we were in the candy isle and a bag of candy busted OPEN all over the floor, with nobody near it! and then 2 rows later, we were on the pickle row, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PICKLES, with nobody near it and a jar fell off the shelve and broke RIGHT NEXT TO US!!! scared us SILLY! and not a couple of minutes later a jar of MAYO did the same thing!!!! oooooooooooooookkkkkkk, by now, james and i were even scared to start DRIVING HOME because all of this stuff was happening!! we didn't know WHAT was going on!!! so we get home and james and i put the boys to bed and james left to go fishing with a buddy. well, matthew was not acting his usual "sleep time" self. he was WIRED and wide awake, talking , playing and just being REALLY loud....he must have played for about an HOUR or more...well, he finally settled down about 9ish and i got up at 9:25 to get his meds and get his feeds ready when i get near i hear this sound and thought to myself "he is still awake!!!" but he was NOT. he was having a MAJOR SIEZURE!!! it was sooooo scary and everything that could go wrong DID! i put him on his side and put his pulse ox on him and he was ok at 94 but he was siezing on the LEFT side massively and drooling soooo much and sounding HORRIBLE!! so i called james and told him to turn around (he was already by calaveras lake (about 30 mins plus away)...i called the nurse and they told me to call ems. i had some of that diastat rectum stuff but in my panick (and i was) i FORGOT HOW MUCH TO GIVE HIM!!! i knew i couldn't over do it because of his lungs (stop breathing) so i called ems...they sure sent the calvary!!! and right before they came, as i was setting up his oxygen (whole other story there), he suddenly STOPED and his sats went down to 64 and i thought "oh GOD, he is going to go into cardiac arrest!!!" BUT THANK YOU GOD he started up again!!! the firetruck came first and they said, we have to transport and then ems showed up! james, still on the road, called our neighbors to come stay with alex cause he was asleep! i was soooo thankful for them coming over!! we went to the hospital code 3 and when we got there, all our buddies were there to take care of him. our WONDERFUL nurse, came down from ICU to get all his info! it was sooooooo good to see her! of course, as soon as i saw her i lost it!! :( anyway, he was still siezing even though he was still and then he stopped breathing!!!!!! OMG, they ended up bagging him for about 30 seconds and they told me that if he didn't start breathing right, they will have to intubate HIM!!! his blood gases were HORRIBLE!! but then i told him, "matthew you don't like me to give you treatments with the mask, WAKE UP and breath!!" and then he started struggling!!! and BREATHING!!!! THANK YOU GOD! so, they did a CT scan of him and everything was as before. THANK GOD! so, they took us up to the PICU again, and we got to see some of our old nurses and doctors! they were in AWE of how big he was!!!! well, after a couple of hours there, they sent us HOME!! with a new siezure med. they don't know WHY he got it but they are going to wean him off of his other med and then keep him on this new on....he is doing fine BUT he is REALLY sleepy, irratible, and very floopy. so the dr cut back on the new med until he can get use to it. he said it might have been too much for him for now! BUT he is EATING BETTER?!?!?!?! we gave him some macaroni/cheese and fish and he ATE IT with NO GAGGING and he was CHEWING!!!! we were soooo excited! sooo, we are not sure if that was a one time thing or not but he did SOOO GREAT!! i would PERFER him not to go THAT route for it to CLICK!!!

anyway, he is doing fine. i am PRAYING that that does NOT happen again and the he perks up to his usual happy self! poor baby!

see...

you get all worked up for what?!?!? NOTHING!! they couldn't take us in today cause the hospital was FULL!!! SUPPOSITLY, we were suppose to be there tomorrow but i KNOW that when i talked to the dr, i was infront of my calendar writing down the info as he gave it to me!!! and i even cxd his ECI treatment TODAY!!! :( JAMES had to take off work today and tomorrow to help me with alex so that was a bummer....BUT on the brighter side, they told him at work just to take a PASS for today and put in leave form thurs and FRIDAY!!! so he actually will have THREE days off!!! :) gotta love that!!!

well, we got a chance to spend some time at the little playroom so at least i know that alex will have a BLAST playing with all the toys!! that should be fun!! we had to almost PRY him from the playroom! he can't wait to go back tomorrow!!!

well, we will spend today getting stuff for matthews party!! buy and write out invites and such!! WOOOOHOOOOO!!!

getting nervous...

well, today, matthew will be going into the hospital at WHMC for a FOOD CHALLENGE!! i am actually not concerned about the actual test, but more for what he can CATCH in the hospital!!! he finally got over his 2 weeks of illness and i just PRAY that he will not get ill AGAIN!! my eccima is acting UP because i am thinking about it!!!!!!! :(

anyway, he will be staying over night....it will be the FIRST TIME since AUG that he has been in the hospital, THANK YOU GOD! this will be our first time at WHMC for an overnight stay! i don't know much about the actual HOSPITAL part of it so it should be interesting. i know that it is not toooooo kid friendly like methodist (VERY cute rooms, playroom, everything) so we shall see! i wish we werer over there because we actually know TONS of nurse out there and they all know matthew!! REALLY! we can go over there and we will recognise MANY nurses and those that we don't, will say, "hey, is this miracle matthew?" we have heard alot about him!!! i dont' know if that is a good thing or not but it HELPS!! AND we know all the little tricks there too!!

well, i am going off to bed....it will be a LONG DAY tomorrow!!!

kisses & hugs....

yep, matthew has learned how to give KISSES and HUGS!! we are sooooo excited and happy! he looks soooo cute when he is giving kisses! and his hugs are AWESOME!! big strong ones and he shakes with ALL his might to give them to me! i LOVE THEM!!!!!!! he is finally over that virus!~ YIPEEEEEEEEE!!! we just hope they stay away for a bit! he is going into the hospital on wed for a challange and i just PRAY he doesn't pick up anything while we are THERE!!! scary thought! he is alo trying new things! this weekend, he had POPCORN (of course just the puffy part), crackers (all on his own) & chocoloate! he is becoming ADVENTUROUS! i LOVE that too!

alex is getting so big! i am just so proud of that little boy! he is sooooo smart! he just grows and learns more things RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES!!! amazing!~ I ALWAYS have to remind myself that he is only THREE years old!!!!

well, i have been working on a project for matthew now for a couple of weeks. i am LOVIGN it because it is sooooo cool....i am going to send it on his 2nd b-day to everyone but i have a problem. it is a PPT presentation and it is 33mb BIG! soooo, either i am going to have to cut somethings out (make me sooo sad to do that), or like i did, host it on a server somewhere in space and have people download it, or i am going to try to ZIP it?!?!?! any ideas would be great if i can find them!!! anyway, i am just serching on the internet for SOMETHING i can do to compress it...

well, we are getting excited about his upcoming party! we are REGRETTING doing it outside but we will just have to PRAY HARD for NICE COOL weather!!!!!!!