SURGERY DAY.......

so, today is the DAY...i am of course right now writing from my memory because after i had the surgery, i lost the use of my right arm for about 7 days and even today (8/7/12), i can't do much and it is hurting me a LITTLE BIT to type this but i will SLOWLY try to finish and get caught up on my blogging!!


sooo, the day started with getting up early and getting ready in some comfy clothes and no food or drinks since midnight...i COMPLETELY forgot about my paralyzed tummy and that i SHOULD have tried to empty it a couple of days BEFORE HAND....oh well, too late now! so, my MIL came over and will be staying with the boys for me and of course matts nurse will be taking care of him...honestly felt surreal because i was not apprehensive or upset or worried or ANYTHING...it just felt like another normal day! i was not even NERVOUS!!!! SO, james and i left the house about 0730 and headed over to the medical center area to get ready...it was AWESOME having james there...i knew that he was going to have to take a lot of the load for at LEAST couple of days until i was back on my feet but i didn't feel bad and i KNEW that he could do it!! i remember when i have been on my own with my 3 kids when james was deployed to IRAQ and every time that he has to leave for duty for a couple of days-weeks...so i KNOW if i can do it, so can HE!!

soooo, we get there and head up to the front desk and as i am getting my paperwork, my phone rings and i step away to answer because the number looks familiar and as i am talking to the lady, james is like pointing to the lady with her back to me at the desk who is CALLING AND TALKING TO ME ON THE PHONE!! HAHAHAHAHA...pretty funny stuff!! we all laughed about it! so, i finish my paperwork and with in 15 mins, we was taken back and i was told to remove everything and put on my gown/hat etc...unfortunatly, it NEVER fails every time that i have a surgery it almost NEVER fails that AF ARRIVES!! GRRRR...anyway, TMI...so, i laid down and just chit chatted with james and the nurse and answered tons of questions and signed some forms...she started an IV on me (after blowing one attempted on my left inner forearm) she started one on OLD FAITHFUL which is my left hand! :) there are soooo many scars there from the numerous IV's i have had....anyway, the resident came in, then the DR and then the anesthesiologist...we all had tons of questions on what to expect...he marked my right arm and showed me more or less how big the cut was going to be...WOWOWOWOW...i didn't know it was going to be that BIG! about 3-4 inches...pretty long..oh well!! i am getting ready to have enough scars to compete with matthews scars BUT HIS ARE WAY COOLER!! ;-) anyway, after james and i blessed each other, they put some comfy meds in my IV and off i went!! wowow, it didn't take but a minute!!!!

so, i wake up with my arm in a HUGE cast looking thing....and in PAIN...they end up giving me the MOST MORPHINE they could and i still would not get rid of the pain, then they started me on the stronger stuff and it took a couple more shots of that before FINALLY had the pain under control. i explained it was probably because i took pain meds daily that it was not working for me...they agreed! anyway, i was off the bed and in a recliner with in 30 mins of waking up and OUT THE DOOR within about another 30 mins!! crazy how quick they get you in and out!! the surgery lasted about 1 1/2 hours long, 45 asleep in recovery and then another 45-1 hour after waking up out the door! ********THEY TOOK OUT MY TUMOR (SYNOVIAL SARCOMA) WHICH WAS ENCASED, AND THERE WAS A NERVE ON TOP OF THE TUMOR (WHICH EXPLAINED MY EXTREME PAIN THAT I HAVE BEEN HAVING AND ALSO WHEN I HIT IT OR WHEN MY NERVE STARTED FIRING) IT MENT I WAS GOING TO BE NUMB IN THAT ARE (WHICH IS FINE WITH ME BECAUSE AFTER ALL THE PAIN I HAVE HAD, I DEFINETLY NEEDED THE RELIEF WITH THAT...THEN AFTER THEY TOOK THE TUMOR OUT, HE FOUND SOME MORE SUSPICIOUS LOOKING STUFF AND HE REMOVED THAT TOO ALONG WITH SOME HEALTHY TISSUE TO GET IT BIOPSED....THEY STILL DONT' KNOW IF I WILL HAVE CHEMO/RADIATION THERAPY AFTERWARDS...ONCE THEY GET THE RESULTS, THEY WILL HAVE A ROUND HOUSE MEETING AND TALK ABOUT OPTIONS WITH ALL THESE ONCOLOGIST AND OTHER DRS, THEN WHEN I GO FOR MY FOLLOW UP MEETING ON THE 13TH, I WILL HOPEFULLY GET THE RESULTS THERE*********

anyway, back to me, as we leave the parking garage, i started feeling sick ended up tossing up (or my interpretation of it since i can't really do it) and did it again when i got home a couple of times...crazy!! after that i just chilled on my couch with my arm up and just trying to keep ahead of the pain and the SWELLING on my hand...as long as i kept my arm up, it kept the swelling down a bit...after that, i just layer down for a bit and relaxed...THANK YOU GOD FOR A GREAT SURGERY DAY!!!!!

getting ready for my surgery tomorrow...

and i am FINE...i got the call that i had to be at the surgery place by 0815ish and i am READY...i don't know what is going happen, how much it is going to hurt or how it is going to feel ANYTHING but i am just ready to get this part of my life STARTED so that it can be FINISHED GOD WILLING....i have had sooooo many people praying for me and i have felt soooo BLESSED about this because i feel such LOVE AND COMFORT from those wonderful people all around the world!! i have been BLESSED!!!! i have done nothing really to get ready...i have not let this upcoming surgery really affect my everyday life....i have just continued to live my life to the fullest and just ready for whatever is to come....

DAY 5....ON THE ROAD HOME!! :)

started our day with the signature breakfast and then just packed up and OUT the door we were by 1030!! i LOVE MY KIDS...they are such GREAT GREAT GREAT TRAVELERS!!! they just hang out and watch what is going around the drive and play with games etc. alex has started his CAR LICENSE WATCH and it was so much fun checking out all the different car and their plates...it ended up taking us about 6 hours or so...we made it back JUST IN TIME to pick up our pooch, SIMBA from the vet...he was soooooo excited to see us!! :) he is just such a GREAT part of our family...it was awesome to see him and have him back in our home..i know that he was in shell shock and wondering where we were...he is STILL such a puppy...not even a year old!!

well, this vacation will be going down as the THE BEST VACATION EVER!!!!!!! it felt so awesome and we had so much family time!! and you know that we were just together the WHOLE time and you know this because if you know ME you know that i am a READER..i love to read and i can put down a book a day and during a normal week, i usually read at LEAST 2 books...and i think the WHOLE 5 DAYS i think i read about 50 PAGES...PAGES...PAGES!! that is crazy!! so NOT ME! we had soooo much fun and it was just GREAT to be together...the LODGE was like that...all we had is FAMILY TIME...from the water park, to running around the lodge looking for clues for the MAGI game...it was just amazing!!! and what was funny, is that in a LITTLE park of my mind, i thought of this vacation as MY MAKE A WISH vacation!! cause i KNEW that i was going to have surgery on my cancer on tuesday 31st and i didn't know WHAT i was going to have to do after the surgery wether i was going to have to do chemo/radiation....so, i want to think and i KNOW that GOD gave us this AMAZING VACATION so that we could just be with family and just be TOGETHER...I THANK YOU GOD FOR BLESSING OUR FAMILY WITH SUCH AN AMAZING VACATION!!! <3 <3

IT'S THERE...

you know, when you KNOW something is THERE, it kinda takes over that THING! KNOWING that there is a CANCEROUS TUMOR there on my forearm, well, i am GUARDING it more than usual and i am TOTALLY in tune with my forearm!! and of course, it seems like there is a magnet right on my arm so that anytime something goes by it, be it person or object, it never fails, it gets BUMPED which is VERY painful already!! oh well...and of course i just KNOW it is there...

i think about AFTER i have the surgery...how am i going to put my hair up, how i am going to do something as easy as clip on my bra, put my clothes on, etc...you never think too much about that but really, HOW am i going to do that?!?!? i just know it is going to BE PAINFUL!!! AT LEAST, i ALREADY drive with my LEFT HAND since my right arm has been in soooo much pain FOR EVER that i have had to learn to only drive with my left hand so i think THAT part will have come in handy!!

PET SCAN DONE...some thoughts....

WELL, today at 1330, i got my scan done at SAMMC...it wasn't too bad but if u turn off all the lights, i might GLOW!! :) i had to get an IV with the RADIOACTIVE injection, sit for 90 minutes and then have the scan with some more CONTRAST and that is it!! start the whole processw at 1400 and finished by 1630...poor hubby had to wait for me...

i have had such AMAZING support from everyone near and far and i THANK GOD for all my family and firends that have reached out to us during this time in prayer, emails, calls, FB POST etc...i am ever soooooo BLESSED to have so many people that are praying for me and my family. when matthew was born, all we asked for is PRAYERS and I KNOW that that was one of the reasons he is here today....i have such FAITH in GOD that all will be well and that this is GOD'S PLAN and His plan is PERFECT! i have been calm about it and just going about my normal everyday life....i just know that all IS WELL...i have faith in GOD and i have faith that everything is happening EXACTLY how it is suppose to happen. back in the day (8years ago)i had so much FAITH, LOVE AND WONDER in GOD and all He was doing for us in our life at that time...with the birth of our precious son MATTHEW and everything he went thru, our faith was STRONG IN GOD...we knew that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED, it was going to be OK because everything was as GOD wanted it to be.....i gave my son up TO GOD during those days (and everyday) and that is what i have done with this diaseas...GOD IS SOOOO GOD and i know that all will be well! i thnk that i am sooooo LUCK AND BLESSED that i have this FAITH in MY GOD because THAT is the reason that i am doing so well with this shocking news of CANCER!!! i really have been calm and just ready to get started...i am soooo BLESSED because i have SEEN the other side of what i am going thru and how without FAITH some wonderful people dont do well...and i am doing well!!1 :) i sit here today, yesterday and wed with a SMILE on my face, no tears and just a sense of PEACE AND CALMNESS in my mind, heart and soul...life is BEAUTIFUL...GOD IS BEAUTIFUL and i know that i am goign to be ok!!! i look around me at my life and i SEE and i KNOW what a BLESSING that has been given to me and my family from GOD!!! and GOD has always been near me holding me and my family in HIS hands!!! GOD IS SOOOO GOOD!!!

sooo, i know i had posted that we had moved up the surgery to the 24th for the TUMOR removal BUT i have decided to leave it to the 31st because we were unable to move the DATES that we had chosen for out vacation trip to the GREAT WOLF LODGE during that same time...i asked the dr if it was OK to hold out for that extra week and he told me that 7 DAYS would not make a difference!! i did not want to disappoint the boys with canceling the trip...we have all been looking forward to this time and NOW MORE THAN EVER, i think we need this time away as a family before i have my surgery and the possibility of possible CHEMO/RADIATION....i didn't know what my life held in store and i wanted my family to ahve some WONDERFUL memories before we started on our journey!! :) sooooo we are gettign READY FOR OUR TRIP!! WOOOHOOO!!

sooo, i will be blogging about what is going on in my life more so again. i have so much to SAY and sooo much to write about...and more than ANYTHING i want to always remind everyone that GOD IS GOOOD, ALL THE TIME!! AND ALL THE TIME, GOD IS GOOD!!!!!

GOD'S BLESSING EVERYONE!!!

SYNOVIAL SARCOMA.....

ok...wowow....that is the diagnosis i JUST got from my ORTHOPEDICS ONCOLOGIST...we had an appt on july 5th and he said that he was very certain that it was NOT cancer and although he thought that the BIOPSY that was done was INCONCLUSIVE, he felt that it was NOT cancer since i had had it for over 5 years, he felt that it PROBABLY was NOT cancer but that we had to get it out...i was kinda upset at him because he said that it PROBABLY would not hurt and PROBABLY not help with the PAIN and that it should all be ok...i told him that i though i was on a nerve?! and he said he didn't think that at all...i told him that we shall see....

SOOOOO, AT 1600, the dr called me to let e know that he had shown HIS pathologist the biopsy and the pathologist said that it didn't look right so she decided to test it using a certain DYE TEST and he said it was very simple test...inject the cells and if they 'TURNED' it was POSITIVE...if it didn't, it was NEGATIVE...he said it turned IMMEDIATELY! so, he called me to let me know that instead of NO CANCER...i have been diagnosed with SYNOVIAL SARCOMA...and it is an aggressive type of cancer...sooooo, i WAS scheduled for surgery on the 31st to get it removed...now it has been moved up to the 24th AND i am having a PET SCAN to see if there is any more cancer anywhere else in my body....

soooo, am i ok with this? am i in shock? no,i am not in shock and i am as ok as i can be.... i had actually had a conversation with a friend TODAY about this particular subject that i was going to have a SERIOUS conversation with the surgeon to let him know not to be SURPRISED if it turned out to be MORE than the simple thing he was thinking and that it WAS ON THE NERVE not like he said he thought it was NOT....funny, huh? i guess GOD was giving me a gentle hint on this!! :)

sooo, GOD IS SOOOO GOD because while on the phone with me, he texted my other ortho oncologist at SAMMC to see how soon i could get my PET SCAN and i said that i would be surprised if i got it really soon, so he said he would text him to let him know what was going on....i hung up with the dr and within 15 MINUTES, the dr at SAMMC CALLS ME and said to come on in TOMORROW AT 0730 FOR A PET TEST!!!!!!!!! wowowowow, GOD IS SOOO GOOD! i have really been soooo blessed that things have really run smoothly with all of this and no real wait time with any of this...he also said that i should go have a 'punching session at all the military drs/bases' that had diagnosised me for that last 5+ years with TENNIS ELBOW and that i could start with HIM TOMORROW and it would be ok to give him a punch!!! such a good man....

soooo, any prayers or thought would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!! tomorrow, i have the PET SCAN AND I AM PRAYING AND ASKING FOR PRAYERS that there is no OTHER cancer spread thru my body....

I KNOW GOD IS GOOD AND HE IS HERE WITH ME AND MY FAMILY AND HE WILL SEE ME THRU!!! HE ALONG WITH ALL OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS IN PRAYER ARE WHAT WILL JUST BRING ME THRU THIS TIME AS HE HAS SEEN ME THRU MY LIFE!! THANK YOU GOD FOR ALWAYS BEING BY MY SIDE!!!

NOT CANCER!!!!

THANK YOU GOD, i got the call from the PA from the ORTHOPEDIC ONCOLOGIST to let me know that they got the results from my BIOPSY OF MY FOREARM and it was NOT CANCER!!! WOWOWOWOWOWOW!! sooo thankful and sooo happy!! BUT i DO have a TUMOR and it is called a PERINEUROMA and i will have to have it removed. so, next week, they are going to have a ROUNDHOUSE MEETING with the ortho dr and all the other drs involved in my care and then they are ALL going over to the UNIVERSITY hospital to meet with the NERVE TUMOR DOCTORS there to let them see my case and see how they are going to achieve this. the PA told me that it is very delicate because they are going to try not to have me lose SENSATION in the arm or FUNCTION of the arm because of where the tumor is!!!! YIKES! so, i am to call the PA again on tuesday to find out what was said and where i am going from here. i am just SOOO HAPPY that SOMETHING i finally going to get DONE to my arm! it has hurt sooooo bad like for over 5 years and it has progressively gotten WORST so that it affects my everyday LIFE!! SO i am happy to get a move on here....but THANK YOU GOD first and for most because it is NOT CANCER!!! WOOOHOOO!! :)

FIRST DOCTORS APPT.....DONE....

SO, today was my first appt with the ORTHOPEDICS department at SAMMC....it started at 1045 and ended at 1300! so, after getting the BEAUTIFUL BIG NEW AND IMPROVED BAMC hospital, i had to navigate the CRAZY hallways from one side of the hospital to the other!! boy, i almost needed a COMPASS!!! i know i could have STILL been there lost if i hadn't asked so many people WHERE AM I!?!?! anyway, finally got to see the PA there at orthopedics...VERY VERY nice man!!! was very comfortable with him. after he and his dr looked at the MRI, they felt that it was PROBABLY a PERIPHERAL NERVE SHEATH TUMOR instead of a histiosytoma....still not sure if it is cancer or not and will not be able to find out until i get an BIOPSY...soooo, i asked him was this something he sees a lot or something interesting and rare...he said VERY RARE and VERY INTERESTING...he has been consulting with many of his peers to see what they think....so,he said that we were going to go ahead and have surgery, remove tumor and then BIOPSY the tumor to see what it is.....so then they sent me off to RADIOLOGY to get an XRAY of my arm....done....as i am leaving the hospital (after negotiating the halls again) , i get to the outer door and check my phone and find out that he had called and left me a message...COME BACK....WE ARE THINKING OF SOMETHING ELSE WE MIGHT DO!!! LUCKILY, i saw that before i left, so turned around negotiated the halls AGAIN, made my way back and went back to talk to them....he said that after talking to ANOTHER doctor, she felt that instead of going in and having surgery right away, that maybe a better option would be to do a ULTRASOUND GUIDED BIOPSY of the tumor and IT MIGHT NOT BE A TUMORE BUT MIGHT BE A BUNDLE OF NERVES?! he said, that my chances of it being CANCER if it WAS a BUNDLE OF NERVES just went DOWN!!!!! so, then i scheduled a ULTRASOUND that is set up for TOMORROW at 1130 and then i have to make ANOTHER appt to see the PA again.....and then they will see if it is POSSIBLE to do the non invasive surgery or if it is NOT possible and then do the FULL SURGERY... sooooo, to recap: BEST CASE SENERIO: ULTRA SOUND SHOWS THAT IT WAS NOT A PERIPHERAL NERVE SHEATH TUMOR AND THEY CAN DO A ULTRASOUND GUIDED BIOPSY AND THERE IS ANOTHER WAY OF TREATING THIS MASS WITHOUT DOING OUTRIGHT SURGERY AND BIOPSY IS NOT CANCER WORST CASE SENERIO: ULTRA SOUND SHOWS THAT IT IS A PERIPHERAL NERVE SHEATH TUMOR, CAN'T DO A ULTRASOUND GUIDED BIOPSY AND NEED TO HAVE AN OPERATION TO REMOVE THE TUMOR AND BIOPSY IT tomorrow, i am going to do an ultrasound in the morning and then i should be going back to see the orthopedics dr and see what happens.... so there it is...we shall see what this day brings...it has been a LONG day....LONG LONG LONG day....i left at 0930, got home at 1315 just long enough for james and the boys to come and pick me up and we were off again (i never left my car) and ran over to grab some take out because we were going to watch the 1405 showing of the AVENGERS (which was AMAZING!!!!!), came home for EXACTLY one hour (long enough for matthew to have his teacher and some CLASS), AS SOON as she walked out, we WERE OUT of here and headed to 1ST COMMUNION PRACTICE over at the church and we made it home at 2055!!! boy, my DOGS hurt!!! heeheheheeee....just a bit crazy right now!!! hope tomorrow goes GREAT!!!! THANK YOU EVERYONE AND MANY BLESSINGS EVERYONE!

FIBROUS HISTIOCYTOMA.....

BIG WORD huh?? Well, before this morning, it was a word that i had never heard....that and also PERIPHERAL NERVE SHEATH TUMOR.....well, after more than FIVE YEARS of pain and going to drs to find out WHAT THE HECK was wrong with my right forearm (and being told OVER AND OVER that it was TENNIS ELBOW), FINALLY, the PHYSICAL THERAPIST who was working with me, after palpating the area, decided that something was WRONG with my forearm and that if it WAS TENNIS ELBOW, it sure would not STILL be hurting YEARS LATER and progressively getting worst!!!! and he also palpated something on it that felt like a nodule....hmmmmmm, it took a PHYSICAL THERAPIST to FINALLY realize that SOMETHING was wrong with my arm!!! he told me i NEEDED to get an MRI ASAP because it was NOT NORMAL!!! SO, after FIRST having to make an appt with my PCM, then waiting for her to agree with him that i SHOULD get an MRI (after telling me YET AGAIN, that the symptoms SOUNDED like TENNIS ELBOW!!!), I got my MRI 3 weeks later and here i am, with an CONSULT to be seen by a ORTHOPEDIC ONCOLOGIST!!! yes, i am going to see a dr that specializes in CANCER....for my arm....that has been hurting for MORE THAN 5 YEARS....that i have gone to the dr OVER AND OVER again....and being told that it was TENNIS ELBOW!!! hmmm... so, there was no SHOCK involved in hear this diagnosis....i was soooooo calm!!! and IMMEDIATELY, the song YAHWEH, I KNOW YOU ARE NEAR.....i LOVE that song and i started to sing and think of that song...it brought me so much peace and it's one of my favorite songs and reminds me that he is EVER by MY SIDE and that i have nothing to fear....after everything that my beautiful son MATTHEW ISAIAH went thru, NOTHING that is going on in my life is ANYTHING compared to what he has gone thru and continues to go thru...he is such a STONG little boy and just seeing him everyday always and forever will assure me of my SAVIORS BEING BY MY SIDE....no matter WHAT is happening in my life, it is GOD'S WILL and it is HIS will through it all and he will see me thru it, one second at a time!!! :) soooo, i ask for prayers because that is one thing that i have such STRONG FAITH in that prayers are sooooo amazing and so strong and that when we ASK, HE WILL ANSWER AND HE WILL HEAR!!! i am ready for anything because 'THRU GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE' MATTHEW 19:26....THAT has been our SAYING since OUR MATTHEW was born! :) and it continues to bring is strength thru our life!! sooooo, THANK YOU in advance for any prayers and good thoughts...i don't know what life will bring but i KNOW that THRU GOD, all will be ok and that my life is HIS and whatever He decides for me, is EXACTLY the way it needs to be!! :)