wow, made CHILES RELLENOS today!!

yep, going back to my ROOTS! I had NEVER made them and personally i don't LIKE them but my beautiful hubby loves them soooo, i made them for him!! my MIL said it would take a LONG TIME.....AND IT DID!! i think 2.5 hours from start to finish!!! WOW!! that was just crazy...will i ever make them again...?? i guess if he asks me to, i will....i tried them but they are NOT MY CUP OF TEA!! i invited my MIL and she and my dh said they were REALLY REALLY GOOD!! i told me that even if they WERE NOT, to LIE because it was CRAZY LONG to make!!! but they assured me that it was VERY good and that just perfect!!! soooo, if anyone is interested in making them, here is the website for them CHILE RELLENO'S

HAPPY EATING!!!

sick sick SICK!!!

WOWOWOW...crazy....it all started with josh...on monday, he ended up going to the dr with PINK EYE in both eyes!!! then on that friday, he started with a runny nose and coughing, and since we are SOOOO CLOSE, he decided to pass it along to ME!! then of course, matthew couldn't NOT be included and by SUNDAY, he was coughing and runny nose!! so, we took them to the dr on monday and JOSH had an ear infection and wheezing so he is on an ANTIBIOTIC and NEBULIZER TREATMENTS 4X A DAY!! and then matthew had wheezing and is on his ORAL STEROIDS and NEBULIZER TREATMENTS 4X A DAY!!! yep, it is a REALLY BUSY here at home!!! and then matthew has needed to be on oxygen for 2 days now cause he is soooo congested!! and of couse then there is mommy, i have a WICKED cough and runny nose! i describe it as coughing out a LUNG and blowing out BRAIN MATTER ALLLLL DAY LONG!!! not pretty!! but i DO sound REALLY sexy with my sexy voice!!! or lack of voice!! and of course ALLLL WEEK LONG i have been on the phone for the boys!!!

anyway, just hopping that this goes FAR FAR AWAY!! OR at least this is the last time till AFTER APRIL 24th!!!

did you see this??

well, i finally got to see my DVR selections from when we were gone this week over to the coast...well, we LOVE ABC's WHAT WOULD YOU DO? series that they have...well, this last one, REALLY got to me...i was just crying and it was just such an EYE OPENER!! i was even crying over it a day later after we came out of church....well, here is the VIDEO if you have not see it...i promise it is soooo worth the 5 mins or so that it is....the part, as you will find out, is the LAST PART that has me going (even now, just thinking of it!)

ABC VIDEO "WHAT WOULD YOU DO?"

anyway, any thought or comments??? really a tear jerker....makes me think REALLY HARD about things in my life...

brrrr....we are at the COAST!

OH BOY!! we have been having a PRETTY GREAT time here on the coast since we got here on wed....yeah, it has been a bit nippy but what would spring break be with out that?! but really we have just enjoyed being together as a family in our RV....the boys have been fishing and i have been relaxing and just reading...like i told my dh, if we wer at home, we would be doing NOTHING...or cleaning...at least here, we are out of the house and enjoying just being together, playing board games or just fishing and having a grand time, regarless of the weather....

soo, i hope everyone is doing GREAT and enjoying their own spring break, whenever that is!!!

LOST HIS FIRST TOOTH!!!

well, our big boy MATTHEW lost his first tooth today!!!! what was funny was that this morning, he gagged, out of NO WHERE 2 times early in the morning....i would go check him and ask him what was wrong and he would just smile at me....well, i didn't figure out what happened until i went to put his feeding pump on and realized....HE LOST HIS TOOTH AND SWALLOWED IT!!! yep, he swallowed it!!! awwwww....no wonder he was gagging!! poor little guy! so now, we are going to cut out a tooth and decorate it and put it under the pillow for him...big brother is going to help out...so that the tooth fairy can come over and visit him!!!!


we are soooo excited!!!

we went to a party this weekend...

and we had a WONDERFUL time!! it was a cousin's child and she is now 4 years old...she is sooo cute!!! i had to go by myself because james was gone the whole weekend for guard duty...it is tough taking the kids by myself now that joshua is running around everywhere....before, when he was an infant, i could just pop him in my carrier/wrap/sling and be off with matthew in his wheelchair and alex riding on the back of it...now, well, josh doesn NOT want to be in the stroller (even though i can't do BOTH the wheelchair AND the stroller by myself)...anyway, i am so happy that my WONDERFUL family where so helpful with the kids....they are always there for me and the kids love them sooo much...my tio Z family is just the best...they are an example of an AMAZING LOVING family....they are aways there for each other and are always supporting each other...it is BEAUTIFUL to watch! i am so glad they have also always been there for ME!! i remember when matthew was born, almost their WHOLE FAMILY came to visit us at the hospital especially on the day that they told us that he was going to pass away....one of them was pg and we were acutlaly due on the SAME DAY and she along with her husband came over to the hosptial to be with us on what we thoughtw as his last day....so special...

well, what can i say except that my children andi had a BLAST and it was so nice to see everyone there!!! we also got to chat with tia I which was nice since i had not seen her in a while....we acutally exchanged christmas GIFTS!! hahahaha...one of those things!! we had a great time!! i sometimes get sad that my son has to be in his wheelchair while the other kids are playing but what am i to do? i can't WIAT for the day when he can be independent and WALK and PLAY with other kiddos...GOD WILLING SOON!!

There is ONE job that is ALWAYS looking for applicants....

well, i see sooooo many reports on the news on how people are losing there jobs, looking for a job and can't find anything....but there is ONE JOB in the united states that is ALWAYS looking for people and that would be....

THE UNITED STATES MILITARY

i just don't GET it that those that are QUALIFIED are not trying to get in...those that are young enough (i THINK the cut off age is somewhere 35 OR OLDER...maybe 40), are healthy enough and are in good standings in our comunity SHOULD be trying to get in...YES, it's a SACRIFICE, BUT for your FAMILY you are suppose to do what you HAVE to do...when my son MATTHEW was born and we KNEW the kind of medical bills we would have, james made the DIFFICULT decision to enter into the military...TRUST ME, we had a running list on our dry erase board on our wall with the PRO's/CON's going on about the military/civilian life...and there was so LITTLE PRO's on the civilian side and soooo many PRO's on the MILITARY side, that really, there was ABSOLUTLY NO REASON NOT TO GO FULL TIME IN THE ARMY!!! YES, it is scary with being DEPLOYED and such but for our family...that was the RIGHT OPTION...maybe not for EVERYONE but for us (ok,and a WHOLE lot of EVERYONE else out there), the HEALTH BENEFITS (100% coverage, NO CO-PAYS, NO DEDUCTIBLE, COST for a family of 5 LESS then $50 a MONTH), the PAY (for us it was MORE than DOUBLE what HE was making working for the STATE!!), the STABLITLIY (there will NEVER not be a NEED for the MILITARY), they will pay for your COLLEGE and if you or your spouse has OUTSTANDING college loans, they MIGHT pay for those TOO!!! they also will give you a CASH BONUS if you sign up, send you off to school to learn a new trade (you could be a nurse, dr, tech, lawyer, ANYTHING that you are qualified to do and that the military needs!!) AND if you have a COLLEGE DEGREE, you MIGHT go in as an OFFICER making a bunch more than that..i really could go on and on, so i am not.....my husband did NOT want to do it AT FIRST because like everyone else, it IS scary, but for US, his FAMILY, he knew that THAT was the WAY TO GO..our family has benefited SOOO MUCH by being military...yes, it is scary when he was deployed (view his deployment video), YES, we missed him...YES, it was a SACRIFICE him being gone (he missed 9 months of his baby boy's life)...but we ARE SSSSSOOOOO PROUD OF HIM!!! it has allowed me to continue to be home with our boys, to give my SPECIAL NEEDS BOY the procedures, medication and doctors visits he NEEDS without worry of cost (just imagine what we would have to pay for if we DIDN'T have this insurance...), the military will PAY FOR YOUR MORGAGE if you live off base so you don't even have THAT to worry about and it is NON-TAXABLE so during tax season, you are now in a LOWER TAX BRACKET when filing (and if you decide to live ON base, that is paid for too!! the only thing you HAVE to pay for is your cable and phone bill!!), so no matter which way you go, your HOUSE PAYMENT WILL BE PAID FOR!! it has allowed us to have many luxuries too, THANK YOU GOD....sooo, why are more people NOT joining the military for their COUNTRY and for their FAMILY ESPECIALLY during these hard times??? IT IS A MYSTERY TO ME!! i have brought up this subject MANY a times with friends and family....the military has been WONDERFUL to our family and we are BLESSED to be a part of that WONDERFUL family....

i am a just a very PROUD military wife and we can't THANK the military ENOUGH for everything they do and WHO THEY ARE....

FEEDING CLINIC results...

well, ON friday we went to the FEEDING CLINIC at the local hospital for BOTH joshua and matthew....

for joshua, they told me....well, that he was just a TINY LITTLE GUY!! :) i guess he will take after his mommy (4'11.5" tall!) he weighs in at 20 lbs 11 oz and is 29" long!!! yeah, he is very small!! we JUST were able to turn him around in the car and buy him his big boy seat!! and did i mention hei s 18 months old?!?!? yep, he is small!! she said that even though he is little she said he is WELL PORPORTIONED so not to worry...he is just tiny! so she just told us to continue to do what we are doing and as long as he continues on a curve (he is not on the growth chart) then all is well!!! no need to bring him back!!!

onto matthew, well, he is ALSO doing reall well...the illness in feb set him back some because he has just recently started to eat again AND we had to start up the NEXIUM again because he was not tolerating his feeds....but he is SLOWLY inching his way back to his reagular feeding schedule!!! yayayayaya....he is STILL 37lbs (1 years later) and he is still growing well...he is tall for his age and he is just such a CUTIE!!! she was really impressed on seeing him eat some CHICKEN NUGGETS, you know his FAVORITE meal and she was just really happy to see him...we are scheduled for a MODIFIED BARRIUM swallow at the end of the month because we are thinking of starting up VITAL STIM again but for his FACE!!! yep, his little face has almost NO muscle tone!! in the last 2 weeks he JUST started to put his lips together and make the OOOOHHHH sound!! or pursed lips...that is his NEW favorite face to make!!! anyway, he is doing greatr....we shall see what comes up NEXT!!!

a BEAUTIFUL explanation for DEATH...

HOLA everyone....my uncle passed this along to us...i thought it was a perfect way to explain how NOT to be afraid of DEATH....our LORD AND SAVIOR is waiting on the other side...WHY are we AFRAID?!?!?!?! i sometimes wonder what our son MATTHEW saw as he struggled those first 5 days of life....i am SURE he met our LORD and knew such PEACE and LOVE that THAT is the reason he is always so happy and smiling...he has KNOWN and BEEN in the presence of HIM and is NOT AFRAID....

GOD's blessing to you all...

~DEATH~
WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT .



A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to
Leave the examination room and said,
'Doctor, I am afraid to die.
Tell me what lies on the other side.'
Very quietly, the doctor said, 'I don't know.'
'You don't know? You're, a Christian man,
And don't know what's on the other side?'
The doctor was holding the handle of the door;
On the other side came a sound of scratching and whining,
And as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room
And leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.


Turning to the patient, the doctor said,
'Did you notice my dog?
He's never been in this room before.
He didn't know what was inside.
He knew nothing except that his master was here,
And when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.



I know little of what is on the other side of death,
But I do know one thing...
I know my Master is there and that is enough.


May today there be peace within you.

May you trust God that you are exactly

Where you are meant to be.

I believe that friends are quiet angels

Who lift us to our feet when our wings

Have trouble remembering how to fly.

MAKE-A-WISH CALLED TODAY....

and WE ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!!!!! they called to get the nurses name (who is on CLOUD 9 excited to be going) for the reservation at the resort!!! WOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!!!! and we are leaving on....you ready for this.... APRIL 18-24TH!!!!! wowowowowowowowowowowowowowow....i am NOT excited at all...ok, I AM!!! the boys are soooo happy and excited....we are watching the DVD video that they sent us about DISNEY WORLD and it is so awesome to see matthew looking at all the STUFF there....and of course ALEX is just so excited ..he is bouncing around everywhere!!! ok, SO AM I!!! anyway, we are way excited and are going to look up EVERYTHING so we can get an idea how it works...so if anyone out there has had a wish granted to disney world, PLEASE email me or let me know!! i want to get an idea of how it works...

some have asked why not WAIT, maybe until matthew is older, or joshua is...well, unfortunatly, with the US beign at war, i NEVER know when james might have to go back (which is a certainty) or when things can happen for matthew...i would rather go NOW than lay it up to chance....

anyway, it is a dream come true!! and our family is VERY BLESSED AND THANKFUL!

My Grandpa passed away....

this past wendsday....he was 94 years old!!! just amazing....today was the funeral and it was really a nice one and best of all, it was AMAZING seeing all my cousins that i had not seen in such a long time!! there are not very many of us...there are 11 of his grandkids (my cousins)....and today, there was NINE OF THEM!!!!!! the other 2 were out of states....but to have us all there was just AMAZING...we had such a wonderful time just chatting together at the WAKE..my one regret was that we did not get a group pic of all the cousins!! i know it would have been a sight to SEE....what was so funny/sad was that in the obituary, it stated that Grandpa had 9 great grandkids....i kept coming up one short and i FINALLY figured out WHY!!!! i have a cousin that lives pretty far away and she has a daughter and we have not spoken in over 3 years now and i guess because of that, i COMPLETELY forgot about that child!!! i think that is such a SAD thing....when i figured it out, i was just sad that because of something that happened 3 years ago between us, she has cut me out of her life and because of THAT, her daughter has just....been gone?! i don't know but i get soooooo sad because she was my best friend since we were in kinder and that we have not talked in over 3 years...well, i just think that that is soooo sad....i sat there and i had to look for pics of my grandpa for his funeral and i found so many pics of us together in happier times....i always think about her and james always listens when i talk about her....i PRAY that someday things will clear up and we can get back to just being FAMILY...i know that things may never be the same but i just pray that we could just talk or communicate or SOMETHING....time moves by SOOOOOO FAST....things change every second and you NEVER know what can happen...one day you are here and the next, GONE....life is too short for that...

anyway, all our cousins said that it is sad that we only get together now when there is a funeral or a wedding....i hope that can change....

FEBRUARY IS CONGENITAL HEART DEFECT MONTH..

i know i have really never posted anything about this, which is OOOOHHHH sooo bad of me...but as most of you know, my son MATTHEW ISAIAH was born with a CHD called TOTAL ANOMALOUS PULMONARY VENEOUS RETURN (TAPVR) and we have been SOOO BLESSED to have him in our lives....he is such a MIRACLE to us and if you have never heard the story, here is a video i made of him when he turned 4 years old...


MATTHEW ISAIAH is 4!

well, there are so many organizations that are out there and some have FINALLY made it here to san antonio....there is one called MENDED LITTLE HEARTS and then another one called IT'S MY HEART...well, i just wanted to bring to your attention that the organization that i am a part of, they are selling HEART CARDS and they are pretty cool....i found this on another bloggers post and when i went to the site i just HAD to buy me some! so i thought i would pass along this to you!! here is the link...HEART CARDS VERY NICE CARDS!! i can't wait to get them in!!!

this heart mommy also had a BEAUTIFUL PRAYER that was called PRAYER FOR MY CHILD and if you would like to read it, you can find it HERE...

OK, TO everyone out there, family, friends, HEART FAMILIES, this month and EVERY month, may this find you being BLESSED with one more second with your children...i know as a heart mommy that having such SPECIAL BLESSINGS in our lives is such a JOY and i am so THANKFUL that GOD has blessed me with him....all our children are such blessings.....

i leave you with one of my FAVORITE poems/story...ENJOY...GOD BLESSINGS TO ALL...

Welcome To Holland
by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a
disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience
to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation
trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans.
The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn
some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your
bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess
comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm
supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and
there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible,
disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a
different
place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new
language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have
met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than
Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you
look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and
Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all
bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of
your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I
had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the
loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to
Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things
...
about Holland

-------------THIS IS THE FOLLOW UP ON THAT POEM-------------------------------

CELEBRATING HOLLAND--I'M HOME

I have been in Holland for a while now. It has become home. I have had time
to catch my breath, to settle in and adjust, and to accept this different trip
than I'd planned.

I reflect back on those years when I first landed in Holland and remember
clearly my shock, my fear, my anger. In those first few years, I tried to
get back to Italy as planned, but Holland was where I was to stay. Today, I can
say how far I have come on this unexpected journey, how much I have learned
about Holland. But it has been a journey of time.

I worked hard. I bought new guidebooks. I learned a new language, and I
slowly found my way around in Holland. I met others whose plans had changed like
mine and who could share my experience. Some of these fellow travellers had been
in Holland longer than I and were seasoned guides, assisting me along the way.
Many have encouraged me and have taught me to open my eyes to the wonder and
gifts to behold in this new land. We supported one another, some have become
very special friends, and I have discovered a community of caring. Holland
isn't so bad.

I think that Holland is used to wayward travellers like me and has become a
land of hospitality, reaching out to welcome, assist, and support newcomers.
Over the years, I've wondered what life would have been like if I'd landed
in Italy as planned. Would life have been easier? Would it have been as
rewarding?W ould I have learned the important lessons I benefit from today?

Sure, this journey has been challenging and at times I would (and still do)
stomp my feet and cry out in frustration and protest. And, yes, Holland is
slower paced and less flashy that Italy, but this, too, has been an
unexpected gift. I have learned to slow down and look closer at things, with a new
appreciation for the remarkable beauty of Holland. I have discovered that it
doesn't matter where you land. What's more important is what you make of
your journey and how you see and enjoy the very special things that Holland has
to offer. I have come to love Holland and call it home.

Yes, I landed in a place I hadn't planned. Yet I am thankful, for this
destination has been richer than I could have imagined!

ONE YEAR TODAY....

OK...wowowowow....THANK YOU GOD because as of this afternoon, it has been ONE YEAR that matthew has been SEIZURE FREE!!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU GOD!!! it is sooooo amazing to me that we have had NONE!!! i won't lie to you and say that i don't check him ALL THE TIME to see if he is having a sz but NOTHING!!! what has done it?? well, a year ago, KEPRA was introduced into his sz med cocktail...he was taken off ZONEGRAM and put on TOPOMAX, and then he kept his usual TRILEPTAL & KLONOPIN and the dr tried KEPRA because he was STILL having sz....after a couple of months of no sz, TRILEPTAL was taken off in JULY and then after a couple of more months no sz, KLONOPIN was taken off in dec 2008!!! so, now we are on TWO sz meds...KEPRA & TOPOMAX!!!!! WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWW....i am just so happy for him!! we are still cautious about it but thank you LORD, nothing!!

soooo, HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY, MATTHEW....for a SOLID year, the sz have been GONE!! and we give ALL GLORY to GOD!!!!! because thru HIM, this has happened!!!

SO, the days of being a human pacifer....

are OVER!! yes, he is 17 months old and WEANED!!!!! i can't believe that i DID IT!! 17 months of BF ....WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW....this is the longest time i have done with any of my kids and i am sooooo.....PROUD?! of myself?! he was soooo amazing and EASY to nurse...but after being BITTEN 3 times in a row and not gently...that was IT!! and i knew he was not nursing that much because i did not feel ANY discomfort not nursing for over 24 hours!!! YAYAYAYAYAY....he was ready..he only nursed at night anyway....so, now to help him to learn to sleep in his BED!!! that will happen soon...i am half way there!!!!

just another milestone....

12 YEARS TODAY....

my beautiful, wonderful hubby and i have been married for 12 YEARS TODAY!!! what a BLESSING it has been to have him in my life....i love this man SOOO MUCH and to just bask in his love is just such a BLESSING for me in my life...he is an AMAZING man, husband and father....when GOD brought him in my life, i knew true joy and love....he is just a blessing...

well, today we came home from our trip to CORPUS CHRISTI and we had a lovely weekend with family.....it was nice to get away as a family for a couple of days!!! we can't wait to go again in a couple of weeks...spending time as a family is just such a BLESSING and i love every minute of it!! THANK YOU GOD for my LIFE!!!