in awe....

today, i had to take alex and joshua over to the DOCTORS again because they both have been COUGHING up a storm...my poor babies! i took them in because i was not sure if it was a cold, allergies or WORST!! but, THANK YOU GOD, it was just a small cold and nothing was given to joshua but alex got a prescription for an antihistamine and decongestant. i hope it works for him because he is the worst with TONS of coughing....i know he gets fustrated with it! matthew is also coughing and has been for a week not but his, we think, is just his beautiful lungs getting aggrevated with whatever is in the air!! they tend to do that because of the condition of his lungs....so we do TONS of NEB treatments and SUCTIONING...not good news for him...poor baby!! but his oxygen sats are actually pretty good, THANK YOU GOD!! he has learned to COMPENSATE i guess, how his body works with his congestion...we just THANK GOD for that!!! and that is why i am IN AWE....tonight, alex and joshua were asleep and it was just me and matthew awake in his room right before it was time for him to sleep....we had an hour of play time together and it was soooooo nice! i am in awe....i sat there and LOOKED at my baby and realized that he is GROWING UP SO FAST!!!!! AMAZING! i looked at him and just melted because he is growing up and is getting leaner and just is SOOOOOO BEAUTIFUL! his face is maturing and he is just stretching and WOWOWOWOWOWOW!!! it was fun just he and i playing on the floor...we enjoyed ourself and he is so smart! i was asking him for specific color and he would give it to me and he would point to a picture that i was asking about....so smart! i can't believe he is ALMOST 4 YEARS OLD!!! and then, i walked him to the bathroom so he could go do his buisness and he DOES! he is getting so good at that! the other day, he actually did the POOP in there!! that was funny! it was so awesome to see him do his buisness and his expression when he did!! he has been going PEE in the toilet for a year or so and he has gotten just recently when he doesn't PUSH to get it out...i know, TMI but i am just amazed by him!!!

anyway, just seeing him and how mature he is getting and how TALL and LEAN and how BEAUTIFUL HE IS....I AM SO BLESSED TO HAVE HIM IN MY LIFE!!! THANK YOU GOD FOR EVERY SECOND I HAVE HAD WITH HIM.....as i see him grow it just amazes me over and over that THIS was that baby that STRUGGLED for life his first few months and seeing him now just.....IN AWE....i love him so much....