the innocent of sleep is gone....

can anyone understand that? i have been thinking of this for a while now. i use to LOVE when my boys fell asleep....they looked sooooo peaceful, so comfy....it was such a JOY to see them just relaxing....well, since MAY 2006, that has been taken away from me with matthew....i DREAD for him to do something as simple as SLEEP!!! i know he NEEDS it and now with his increased doses of his SEIZURE meds, he is always REALLY SLEEPY and TIRED and will SLEEP......OUR ENEMY!! matthews seizure happen when he is ASLEEP....so, NAP TIME, is such a TRYING time....when he goes to sleep, we are on WATCH until the moment he wakes UP!!! many people felt the same way when their kiddos where INFANTS and were afraid of SIDS and that usually goes away when they get older....well, we just restarted that phase....for us, no NAP TIME and no SLEEP TIME is safe for matthew......i am thankful, in an odd sort of way, that his seizure DO happen when he is asleep because then they don't happen just ANYTIME.....you know? that is wierd but it is true!

anyway.....the innocent that is sleep is GONE and i just pray that SOMEDAY we will have that again.....