i thought i would be doing another type of post...

but instead i am writing a post about NOT doing something I SHOULD have done!! what am i talking about? well, i am talking about today, i didn't have a nurse.....NOT A BIG DEAL...right? well, i had PLANNED on writing about how i took all my children to church today BY MYSELF because i knew the nurse would not be here (he had called in for today and tomorrow).....alex had sunday school today....i had set my alarm clock for 6 am so that i could get up, dressed, dress my 3 kids, get all of matthew stuff that he needed for the morning and we would be OFF by 7:30ish to be able to get everyone down and alex to class by 8am (the church is only 5 mins away) instead, when the alarm rang, i kept hitting SNOOZE and then after 20 minutes, decided that it would be TOO HARD to do it ALL BY MYSELF....WWWWHHHYYYYY?!?!?!? i felt sooooo bad after i got up at 7 am because matthew had woken up and we had NOT GONE TO CHURCH!!! there is NO EXCUSE for that!! a year ago, i did NOT have a nurse with me all the time.....i did everything BY MYSELF! and here i am, deciding i could NOT go to church.....makes me so mad at myself!! but TODAY i have made a decision, i am NOT going to be so depended on the nurses!! YES, matthew is HEAVY going up and down the stairs, YES, he does not walk so i HAVE to carry him to the car, get him settled and take down his BIG wheelchair by myself, YES i DO have a newborn but that is NOT a big deal.....today i have made a decicion that i would NOT let it rule me if the NURSES were not here for the day......WHY do i have to stay at home JUST because i don't have a NURSE today?! WHY?! i KNOW i can do it, just might take a bit of extra work but I WILL START TO DO IT!! today is the LAST day i stay home BECAUSE i don't have a nurse!!!!!! that is NOT an excuse!!!!!!!!!!

so, wow, this post was going to be a self pity post but instead it turned into a: i have MADE A DECISION post!!! on tuesday, if i DON'T have a nurse during the day I WILL go to the park with my boys (so, H if you are reading this, we WILL be there at the park because i will NOT let this limit me!!)...

i also had a comment made to me that i didn't know how to take....someone told me the other day, "why do you have male nurse?" and i replied, "matthew is REALLY heavy (he is dead weight) and the stairs and such he gets really heavy and a female nurse might not be able to carry him and do all the things he needs done...etc" and i went onto explain....they then said, "hmmmmm..that is wierd, so&so have a boy and they ALWAYS had FEMALE nurses" and i again replied, and explained AGAIN why i had a male nurse etc, and they said, "well, i guess so&so is not as heavy, I GUESS"....AND THEN they made the comment that, "i bet it is wierd because you can't be "natural" around them.." ooooookkkk, like i am going to be in my underwear if i have a FEMALE nurse around?!?!?!?!?! at first, i didn't know how i should take it and i wasn't mad and i am NOT mad just don't know what to think about it!!! if a FEMALE nurse can carry matthew then they would BE HERE!! matthew nurses are AWESOME....they are GREAT and they REALLY take care of him and i have NO WORRY that he is too heavy or can't carry him etc!!! he is a BIG KID!!! and if anyone has carried him, they will TELL YOU how heavy he is!! anyway, just one of those comments that you just don't know how to take!!