night time.....

i found out when it is the HARDEST for me on a DAILY BASIS without james....EVERYDAY is but this particular time frame is pretty tough and that would be....NIGHTTIME/BEDTIME.....i have sooooo much to do at that time just to get matthew down to sleep....ALEX is GREAT at that time because he know that as soon as a certain cartoon is finished he is OFF to his room to lay down and sleep (he is in matthew room until then watching cartoons with him while matthew is in bed)...but then there is little guy JOSHUA...man, he know EXACTLY when it is time to LET LOOSE and cry!! :) you see, it takes me about 30 mins to do all the things i need to do with matthew to get him down...i have to draw up all his meds for the night, change his feeding pump settings & make sure he has enough formula in there for the night and set it up on the IV pole, take him to the potty (he now GOES TOTHE POTTY EVERY NIGHT and during the day and he is VERY HEAVY!!! it takes me about 10 mins to do this (get him out of his diaper, out of his bed, carry him to the bathroom, sit with him while he does his buisness, get him back into bed and put his diaper/clothes back on), then i have to administer all his meds, hook him up to his feeding pump, set up his pulse oximeter and say prayers....all this USUALLY while joshua is pitching a FIT!!!!!! yep, he has QUITE a LOUD CRY!!!! and he is not going to sit quietly until i pick him up which i can't do with doing all of this for matthew!!! this is where it would be soooooo awesome to have another set of hands doing some of the work or at least holding joshua while i get matthew set up....such a SIMPLE thing but i am on my own for now...I AM A SINGLE MOM OF 3 UNDER THE AGE OF 5!! wowow...i say that and just sit in AWE that that is ME!!! WHO would every believe i would have 3 beautiful children?!?!? wowowowow.....i look in my back row of our expedition and there is a ROW OF CARSEATS!! again, WOW!!! sooooo amazing!! but it is nothing but a THING and i will continue to truck on with a smile on my face...i really should NOT even utter a WORD of complaint because like i said, james would LOVE TO BE IN MY SHOES and that is what i ALWAYS try to remember!!! he doesn't see, hear, touch our children AT ALL now for over 6 MONTHS so who am i to say a word?! so, i guess that is my little gripe right now....nothing in particular just a little bit about my daily life here at our house.....i am just LOVING MY FAMILY and wouldn't change a THING ABOUT IT!!! :)