SURGERY DAY.......

so, today is the DAY...i am of course right now writing from my memory because after i had the surgery, i lost the use of my right arm for about 7 days and even today (8/7/12), i can't do much and it is hurting me a LITTLE BIT to type this but i will SLOWLY try to finish and get caught up on my blogging!!


sooo, the day started with getting up early and getting ready in some comfy clothes and no food or drinks since midnight...i COMPLETELY forgot about my paralyzed tummy and that i SHOULD have tried to empty it a couple of days BEFORE HAND....oh well, too late now! so, my MIL came over and will be staying with the boys for me and of course matts nurse will be taking care of him...honestly felt surreal because i was not apprehensive or upset or worried or ANYTHING...it just felt like another normal day! i was not even NERVOUS!!!! SO, james and i left the house about 0730 and headed over to the medical center area to get ready...it was AWESOME having james there...i knew that he was going to have to take a lot of the load for at LEAST couple of days until i was back on my feet but i didn't feel bad and i KNEW that he could do it!! i remember when i have been on my own with my 3 kids when james was deployed to IRAQ and every time that he has to leave for duty for a couple of days-weeks...so i KNOW if i can do it, so can HE!!

soooo, we get there and head up to the front desk and as i am getting my paperwork, my phone rings and i step away to answer because the number looks familiar and as i am talking to the lady, james is like pointing to the lady with her back to me at the desk who is CALLING AND TALKING TO ME ON THE PHONE!! HAHAHAHAHA...pretty funny stuff!! we all laughed about it! so, i finish my paperwork and with in 15 mins, we was taken back and i was told to remove everything and put on my gown/hat etc...unfortunatly, it NEVER fails every time that i have a surgery it almost NEVER fails that AF ARRIVES!! GRRRR...anyway, TMI...so, i laid down and just chit chatted with james and the nurse and answered tons of questions and signed some forms...she started an IV on me (after blowing one attempted on my left inner forearm) she started one on OLD FAITHFUL which is my left hand! :) there are soooo many scars there from the numerous IV's i have had....anyway, the resident came in, then the DR and then the anesthesiologist...we all had tons of questions on what to expect...he marked my right arm and showed me more or less how big the cut was going to be...WOWOWOWOW...i didn't know it was going to be that BIG! about 3-4 inches...pretty long..oh well!! i am getting ready to have enough scars to compete with matthews scars BUT HIS ARE WAY COOLER!! ;-) anyway, after james and i blessed each other, they put some comfy meds in my IV and off i went!! wowow, it didn't take but a minute!!!!

so, i wake up with my arm in a HUGE cast looking thing....and in PAIN...they end up giving me the MOST MORPHINE they could and i still would not get rid of the pain, then they started me on the stronger stuff and it took a couple more shots of that before FINALLY had the pain under control. i explained it was probably because i took pain meds daily that it was not working for me...they agreed! anyway, i was off the bed and in a recliner with in 30 mins of waking up and OUT THE DOOR within about another 30 mins!! crazy how quick they get you in and out!! the surgery lasted about 1 1/2 hours long, 45 asleep in recovery and then another 45-1 hour after waking up out the door! ********THEY TOOK OUT MY TUMOR (SYNOVIAL SARCOMA) WHICH WAS ENCASED, AND THERE WAS A NERVE ON TOP OF THE TUMOR (WHICH EXPLAINED MY EXTREME PAIN THAT I HAVE BEEN HAVING AND ALSO WHEN I HIT IT OR WHEN MY NERVE STARTED FIRING) IT MENT I WAS GOING TO BE NUMB IN THAT ARE (WHICH IS FINE WITH ME BECAUSE AFTER ALL THE PAIN I HAVE HAD, I DEFINETLY NEEDED THE RELIEF WITH THAT...THEN AFTER THEY TOOK THE TUMOR OUT, HE FOUND SOME MORE SUSPICIOUS LOOKING STUFF AND HE REMOVED THAT TOO ALONG WITH SOME HEALTHY TISSUE TO GET IT BIOPSED....THEY STILL DONT' KNOW IF I WILL HAVE CHEMO/RADIATION THERAPY AFTERWARDS...ONCE THEY GET THE RESULTS, THEY WILL HAVE A ROUND HOUSE MEETING AND TALK ABOUT OPTIONS WITH ALL THESE ONCOLOGIST AND OTHER DRS, THEN WHEN I GO FOR MY FOLLOW UP MEETING ON THE 13TH, I WILL HOPEFULLY GET THE RESULTS THERE*********

anyway, back to me, as we leave the parking garage, i started feeling sick ended up tossing up (or my interpretation of it since i can't really do it) and did it again when i got home a couple of times...crazy!! after that i just chilled on my couch with my arm up and just trying to keep ahead of the pain and the SWELLING on my hand...as long as i kept my arm up, it kept the swelling down a bit...after that, i just layer down for a bit and relaxed...THANK YOU GOD FOR A GREAT SURGERY DAY!!!!!

getting ready for my surgery tomorrow...

and i am FINE...i got the call that i had to be at the surgery place by 0815ish and i am READY...i don't know what is going happen, how much it is going to hurt or how it is going to feel ANYTHING but i am just ready to get this part of my life STARTED so that it can be FINISHED GOD WILLING....i have had sooooo many people praying for me and i have felt soooo BLESSED about this because i feel such LOVE AND COMFORT from those wonderful people all around the world!! i have been BLESSED!!!! i have done nothing really to get ready...i have not let this upcoming surgery really affect my everyday life....i have just continued to live my life to the fullest and just ready for whatever is to come....

DAY 5....ON THE ROAD HOME!! :)

started our day with the signature breakfast and then just packed up and OUT the door we were by 1030!! i LOVE MY KIDS...they are such GREAT GREAT GREAT TRAVELERS!!! they just hang out and watch what is going around the drive and play with games etc. alex has started his CAR LICENSE WATCH and it was so much fun checking out all the different car and their plates...it ended up taking us about 6 hours or so...we made it back JUST IN TIME to pick up our pooch, SIMBA from the vet...he was soooooo excited to see us!! :) he is just such a GREAT part of our family...it was awesome to see him and have him back in our home..i know that he was in shell shock and wondering where we were...he is STILL such a puppy...not even a year old!!

well, this vacation will be going down as the THE BEST VACATION EVER!!!!!!! it felt so awesome and we had so much family time!! and you know that we were just together the WHOLE time and you know this because if you know ME you know that i am a READER..i love to read and i can put down a book a day and during a normal week, i usually read at LEAST 2 books...and i think the WHOLE 5 DAYS i think i read about 50 PAGES...PAGES...PAGES!! that is crazy!! so NOT ME! we had soooo much fun and it was just GREAT to be together...the LODGE was like that...all we had is FAMILY TIME...from the water park, to running around the lodge looking for clues for the MAGI game...it was just amazing!!! and what was funny, is that in a LITTLE park of my mind, i thought of this vacation as MY MAKE A WISH vacation!! cause i KNEW that i was going to have surgery on my cancer on tuesday 31st and i didn't know WHAT i was going to have to do after the surgery wether i was going to have to do chemo/radiation....so, i want to think and i KNOW that GOD gave us this AMAZING VACATION so that we could just be with family and just be TOGETHER...I THANK YOU GOD FOR BLESSING OUR FAMILY WITH SUCH AN AMAZING VACATION!!! <3 <3

DAY 4....LEGOLAND DISCOVERY IN GRAPEVINE

SOOOOO, today our day was going to revolve around LEGOLAND DISCOVERY ZONE...we are making this trip for our beautiful son ALEX who LOVES legos!! :) we started our day with a YUMMY breakfast at the hotel and it was REALLY good! kinda like a bistro type of yummy stuff and it was just GOOD!! then we headed on down the STREET and ended up in line to buy tickets for LEGOLAND.... the wait was FOREVER (about 1:30 hours) but it was worth it. it was soooo awesome seeing the boys get to play with the legos and build things and see all the different creations that where built there at the place...it was AWESOME!! we were there for about 4 hours and the boys all had a GREAT time...!!

after that, we just picked up some to go meals, went back to the hotel room and ate and relaxed and watched a movie....afterwards, all the boys went SWIMMING for a couple of hours...it was really nice if a little breezy...i just hung out and watched the boys and enjoyed reading a bit on a lounge....

after wards we went back to the room and just CHILLED OUT and watched tv and relaxed and then off to bed....we packed and put as much as we could in the car and just left the smaller stuff so there was not that much left to put away...sad that this trip is almost over!!! :(

AWWWW....LAST DAY AT GREAT WOLF LODGE..

SO, TODAY, we were ready to leave the LODGE....well, not READY but it was time for us to go...we decided to get everything packed up and then continue on our QUEST to finish all the stuff we had on our PAW PASS...so, we packed up and were out of the room at 1100 and then we walked around the lodge, go all the goodies we needed to get....at 1300 LEGO LAND group was there and they were having LEGOLAND CONTESTS and the boys joined in for a couple of contest! of course, alex had a BLAST!!! and we had lunch there at the LODGE and then after we were done, about 1530, we left the LODGE, drove DOWN THE STREET and checked into our HYATT PLACE HOTEL ROOM!! wow, this vacation had DEFINETLY made our BEST EVER VACATIONS!!! really, we have just had such an AMAZING time here in GRAPEVINE!! so, after we checked in, it was time to RELAX...nothing to do but watch a movie on our HUGE screen TV and then just RELAX, RELAX, RELAX!!! that was the plan for today to recover from the craziness of the LODGE!! so, after we watched our movie we headed out to eat some DINNER at BUFFALO WILD WINGS for some wings....OK, i personally DO NOT LIKE that place but dad wanted to go and it was his turn to pick, so we headed out and as USUAL, i ended up not eating my stuff and sending it back and then ordering something ELSE and then ended up with a HAMBURGER when i asked for a chicken sandwich!! but THANK YOU GOD, we are so blessed and i didn't complain and ate my burger, which was good....it was just nice to be out!! we get back to the hotel and.....EVERYONE PASSED OUT again!!! it was funny to see everyone just falling asleep where ever they were sitting...this adventure had really taken it's toll on our bodies but we would not have it any other way!!! THANK YOU GOD for another amazing day!!!

DAY 2 OF OUR VACATION....

so, today is day 2 of our vacation and we were READY and had so many things planned for today. we planned to eat our breakfast and do some more MAGI QUEST and look around the lodge until after lunch. we had planned ahead and brought our OWN BREAKFAST/LUNCH stuff so that we didn't have to pay the CRAZY amount at each of those meals instead just ate in our room and BOY we are happy we did that! and then we were READY for our watermark adventure!!! we got dressed in our swimsuits and then got going! the BEAUTIFUL thing about that waterpark is you don't have to take your own towels they provide them for you!! and then our key to our room was our wrist bands!! pretty cool huh?! so we really didn't have to bring anything and since it was indoors, no sunscreen needed! :) so, we played around until about 1800...went to our room, got dressed and headed out to eat at GOLDEN CORRAL!! :) and it was not the best...but it was not packed so that made up for it all because with sooooo many people at the LODGE it is CRAZY how awesome it was that there was not a crowd!!!

so, afterwards we get home and we play MAGI QUEST until 2300!! yep, it is sooooo addicting! we were running up and DOWN that those stairs, boy, i got a SERIOUS work out that day!!!!! really, it was CRAZY and i didn't know how awesome that game was! really, i can't wait to come back JUST for that game!! and next time, i hope the boys can go on their own...i know alex would LOVE that because we were dragging him DOWN because we were sooooo slow and if we had matthew with us, then we had to use the elevator (THANK GOD!!)...regardless, it was AWESOME and at the end of the night, the boys had FINALLY finished their whole QUEST and were MASTER MAGI!!!!! we could have started the ADVENTURE part (yes, there is MORE to the game) but we knew we would not be able to even get CLOSE to finishing it!! we didn't get to fight the DRAGON but i was talking to someone else and they came back a YEAR later and their game was saved and they were able to start their game where they left off!! COOOOOL!!

so, after all that long day, EVERYONE was EXHAUSTED and i think within 15 mins of coming into the room and getting ready for bed, they WHOLE ROOM WAS QUIET!!!! snoring, coughing, etc was going on in the room...NICE!~!! i forgot to mention that one of the BIG things unfortunately, was that JOSHUA had a COLD during all this time...poor baby was coughing and snotty all weekend!!!!! ;( as soon as we get home, OFF to the drs he goes!!!

GREAT WOLF LODGE...WE ARE HERE!!

after a 3 hour delay on the time we had wanted to make it out of the house (1000 in stead of 0700) because there was SOOOO MUCH to do to get out of the house...we are OFF! IT was a nice steady drive out of town to grapevine texas....only DAD was the one that kept stopping to go potty!! hehehehehe...i told him he was worst then the kids having to keep stopping for HIM to go potty...but really a nice ride over there...our phones & iPad got a work out because our dvd players were messed up so they were playing on the electronic toys instead!! anyway, at 1645, we pulled up into the BEAUTIFUL LODGE and WOWOWOWOW, it was AWESOME to be there and see all the HUGE WOLVES there...wowowow, just coming INTO the place was AMAZING!!!! and the check in was BEAUTIFUL!!:) i mean, really, the whole EXPERIENCE was right in front of you as SOON as you get off the car! and the view of the indoor water park...REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?! IIII WAS SOOOO EXCITED! about excited as the kids! we check in and head up to our room (7018), we entered our BEAUTIFUL room with the KID CABIN inside and we went NUTS! the room is REALLY roomy and the VIEW that we had out of our window was pretty cool!

sooo, we had ourselves some SANDWHICHES and ate something then got dressed in our swimsuits and we were OFFF!!! wowowoowowo, that water park was soooooo cool! there was sooo much to do for the little kids and in the park and we had a BLAST!!! they went on all the kids slides and all the pools and had suuuuch a BLAST!!!

after we were done swimming (about 2030) we order a pizza from the WOLF DEN (not bad price for a LARGE CHEESE PIZZA it was only 13.00!!) can't beat not having to leave anywhere!! so we ate some pizza, went to pick up the MAGI WAND (we were only suppose to do ONE wand and have them share it BUT with josh wanting one too, we had to get another WOLF PAW PASS!) so we got started on the QUEST and boy, that game is SOOOOO MUCH MORE than i had EVEN thought it was! everyone told me to make sure that the boys did it and wowowowowowow, that may have been the CHERRY ON THE TOP!! really, this game is AMAZING and if i could of, i think I WOULD have done the game if i could do it by myself!! but it was EXHAUSTING because you had to go UP and DOWN the stairs and it was CRAZY!!!! but fun...and all you saw where TONS of kids playing the game and some where in their jammies and others in regular clothes just running around pointing their MAGI STICK. i wish we could have let ALEX go on his own or with his brother but even though we saw a lot of kids without parents, we just COULD NOT do it!! maybe the next time we come (because we WILL come again, GOD WILLING) we will let him go on his own!! :)

ended the night after 1100 time that the MAGI game ends and EVERYONE dropped off for a LONG comfy night in our beds!! GREAT FIRST DAY!!!

SUMMER VACATION 2012

WOOOOHOOOOO!! GONZALEZ VACATION IS OFFICIALLY STARTED! :) dad has a week off work and we are going to make the mOST of our time as a family!!! we are starting our vacation at the WONDERFUL GREAT WOLF LODGE IN GRAPEVINE TEXAS! i have heard sooo much about this place from other friends that have come out here so i thought since our RV is out of commission for a bit, we would do some traveling in our car....so i BOOKED us a 2 night stay at the LODGE july 22-24....the boys and us are sooo excited and we can't WAIT for it to start. I NEEDED this time with my family because on the 31st, with my surgery to remove the cancer tumor out of my arm, i knew that for a while afterwards, i would not be able to do much...this week is going to be our get away, and my time to just relax...we are starting to pack our MILLION and one things of STUFF and get everything ready. there is always sooooo much to pack because with 3 boys, stuff gets CRAZY! the only thing is that there are NO TOYS this time...just stuff. i figured that they would not have down time with there being a INDOOR WATER PARK there, i figured we would be TIRED by the end of each night....soooo, HERE GOES OUR VACATION!!

IT'S THERE...

you know, when you KNOW something is THERE, it kinda takes over that THING! KNOWING that there is a CANCEROUS TUMOR there on my forearm, well, i am GUARDING it more than usual and i am TOTALLY in tune with my forearm!! and of course, it seems like there is a magnet right on my arm so that anytime something goes by it, be it person or object, it never fails, it gets BUMPED which is VERY painful already!! oh well...and of course i just KNOW it is there...

i think about AFTER i have the surgery...how am i going to put my hair up, how i am going to do something as easy as clip on my bra, put my clothes on, etc...you never think too much about that but really, HOW am i going to do that?!?!? i just know it is going to BE PAINFUL!!! AT LEAST, i ALREADY drive with my LEFT HAND since my right arm has been in soooo much pain FOR EVER that i have had to learn to only drive with my left hand so i think THAT part will have come in handy!!

PET SCAN DONE...some thoughts....

WELL, today at 1330, i got my scan done at SAMMC...it wasn't too bad but if u turn off all the lights, i might GLOW!! :) i had to get an IV with the RADIOACTIVE injection, sit for 90 minutes and then have the scan with some more CONTRAST and that is it!! start the whole processw at 1400 and finished by 1630...poor hubby had to wait for me...

i have had such AMAZING support from everyone near and far and i THANK GOD for all my family and firends that have reached out to us during this time in prayer, emails, calls, FB POST etc...i am ever soooooo BLESSED to have so many people that are praying for me and my family. when matthew was born, all we asked for is PRAYERS and I KNOW that that was one of the reasons he is here today....i have such FAITH in GOD that all will be well and that this is GOD'S PLAN and His plan is PERFECT! i have been calm about it and just going about my normal everyday life....i just know that all IS WELL...i have faith in GOD and i have faith that everything is happening EXACTLY how it is suppose to happen. back in the day (8years ago)i had so much FAITH, LOVE AND WONDER in GOD and all He was doing for us in our life at that time...with the birth of our precious son MATTHEW and everything he went thru, our faith was STRONG IN GOD...we knew that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED, it was going to be OK because everything was as GOD wanted it to be.....i gave my son up TO GOD during those days (and everyday) and that is what i have done with this diaseas...GOD IS SOOOO GOD and i know that all will be well! i thnk that i am sooooo LUCK AND BLESSED that i have this FAITH in MY GOD because THAT is the reason that i am doing so well with this shocking news of CANCER!!! i really have been calm and just ready to get started...i am soooo BLESSED because i have SEEN the other side of what i am going thru and how without FAITH some wonderful people dont do well...and i am doing well!!1 :) i sit here today, yesterday and wed with a SMILE on my face, no tears and just a sense of PEACE AND CALMNESS in my mind, heart and soul...life is BEAUTIFUL...GOD IS BEAUTIFUL and i know that i am goign to be ok!!! i look around me at my life and i SEE and i KNOW what a BLESSING that has been given to me and my family from GOD!!! and GOD has always been near me holding me and my family in HIS hands!!! GOD IS SOOOO GOOD!!!

sooo, i know i had posted that we had moved up the surgery to the 24th for the TUMOR removal BUT i have decided to leave it to the 31st because we were unable to move the DATES that we had chosen for out vacation trip to the GREAT WOLF LODGE during that same time...i asked the dr if it was OK to hold out for that extra week and he told me that 7 DAYS would not make a difference!! i did not want to disappoint the boys with canceling the trip...we have all been looking forward to this time and NOW MORE THAN EVER, i think we need this time away as a family before i have my surgery and the possibility of possible CHEMO/RADIATION....i didn't know what my life held in store and i wanted my family to ahve some WONDERFUL memories before we started on our journey!! :) sooooo we are gettign READY FOR OUR TRIP!! WOOOHOOO!!

sooo, i will be blogging about what is going on in my life more so again. i have so much to SAY and sooo much to write about...and more than ANYTHING i want to always remind everyone that GOD IS GOOOD, ALL THE TIME!! AND ALL THE TIME, GOD IS GOOD!!!!!

GOD'S BLESSING EVERYONE!!!

SYNOVIAL SARCOMA.....

ok...wowow....that is the diagnosis i JUST got from my ORTHOPEDICS ONCOLOGIST...we had an appt on july 5th and he said that he was very certain that it was NOT cancer and although he thought that the BIOPSY that was done was INCONCLUSIVE, he felt that it was NOT cancer since i had had it for over 5 years, he felt that it PROBABLY was NOT cancer but that we had to get it out...i was kinda upset at him because he said that it PROBABLY would not hurt and PROBABLY not help with the PAIN and that it should all be ok...i told him that i though i was on a nerve?! and he said he didn't think that at all...i told him that we shall see....

SOOOOO, AT 1600, the dr called me to let e know that he had shown HIS pathologist the biopsy and the pathologist said that it didn't look right so she decided to test it using a certain DYE TEST and he said it was very simple test...inject the cells and if they 'TURNED' it was POSITIVE...if it didn't, it was NEGATIVE...he said it turned IMMEDIATELY! so, he called me to let me know that instead of NO CANCER...i have been diagnosed with SYNOVIAL SARCOMA...and it is an aggressive type of cancer...sooooo, i WAS scheduled for surgery on the 31st to get it removed...now it has been moved up to the 24th AND i am having a PET SCAN to see if there is any more cancer anywhere else in my body....

soooo, am i ok with this? am i in shock? no,i am not in shock and i am as ok as i can be.... i had actually had a conversation with a friend TODAY about this particular subject that i was going to have a SERIOUS conversation with the surgeon to let him know not to be SURPRISED if it turned out to be MORE than the simple thing he was thinking and that it WAS ON THE NERVE not like he said he thought it was NOT....funny, huh? i guess GOD was giving me a gentle hint on this!! :)

sooo, GOD IS SOOOO GOD because while on the phone with me, he texted my other ortho oncologist at SAMMC to see how soon i could get my PET SCAN and i said that i would be surprised if i got it really soon, so he said he would text him to let him know what was going on....i hung up with the dr and within 15 MINUTES, the dr at SAMMC CALLS ME and said to come on in TOMORROW AT 0730 FOR A PET TEST!!!!!!!!! wowowowow, GOD IS SOOO GOOD! i have really been soooo blessed that things have really run smoothly with all of this and no real wait time with any of this...he also said that i should go have a 'punching session at all the military drs/bases' that had diagnosised me for that last 5+ years with TENNIS ELBOW and that i could start with HIM TOMORROW and it would be ok to give him a punch!!! such a good man....

soooo, any prayers or thought would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!! tomorrow, i have the PET SCAN AND I AM PRAYING AND ASKING FOR PRAYERS that there is no OTHER cancer spread thru my body....

I KNOW GOD IS GOOD AND HE IS HERE WITH ME AND MY FAMILY AND HE WILL SEE ME THRU!!! HE ALONG WITH ALL OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS IN PRAYER ARE WHAT WILL JUST BRING ME THRU THIS TIME AS HE HAS SEEN ME THRU MY LIFE!! THANK YOU GOD FOR ALWAYS BEING BY MY SIDE!!!