well....i took the plunge....

and i SOLD ALL MY MATERNITY CLOTHES and BABY CLOTHES at a yard sell yesterday...that was a MAJOR step for me because i still had some hope and dreams to have another baby....but i took the step and sold them....i didn't know HOW hard that would be to see my stuff go but i finally decided it was BEST to just let it go. we, ok I had been going around and around wanting another child...i would DEARLY love another baby but james and i have talked and we think that there will be no more babies for us UNLESS by some chance it happens, we are not PLANNING to have another. that was such a HARD decision ON MY PART to let go of thoughts of another baby....i soooooo wanted to TRY to have a NORMAL labor and delivery and also the possibiliy of a GIRL....with alex, my first born, i went thru over 32 hours of labor and didn't progress and then had to have an emergency c-section because alex heart rate was dropping! and then, with matthew, well, we had a GREAT pg and a SCHEDULED c-section and then ended up having to rush him to the hospital due to his HEART DEFECT and have immediate open heart surgery, etc etc....i didn't get to do anything NORMAL with matthew such as bf or hold him right away or ANYTHING...i so wanted that chance again but i feel that it might be dangerous to try again....before alex, i had two miscarriages, and i wonder, were THEY due to a heart defect too and my body just had to let them go? so if i try again, would i have anther heart baby?!?!? and then to have THREE c-sections, would that be too much for my body and my uterus? so many doubts and questions....so, as always, we will leave it to GOD and if HE wishes for us to have another child, it will happen no matter WHAT we think, right? and we would sooooooo LOVE this new child (if it happens) because even thought james talks about not wanting one, i will sometimes bring up something like IF we have another one, we would use this and james will reply NO WAY, OUR BABY WOULD HAVE THIS, or whatever...so i know he would love one but is nervous about it!!!

but, the clothes are gone and i am ok with it.....